


Aclassi Retaliation

by AParticularlyLargeBear



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Banter, Dreadful puns, Fluff, Gen, Sparring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-30
Updated: 2015-11-30
Packaged: 2018-05-04 04:50:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5321099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AParticularlyLargeBear/pseuds/AParticularlyLargeBear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Krem is really tired of Bull and his taunting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Aclassi Retaliation

**Author's Note:**

> Original prompt found here:   
> http://dragonage-kink.livejournal.com/15060.html?thread=59403476#t59403476

Sparring with the Iron Bull was an exercise in attrition.

Krem squared his shoulder and rammed forward, colliding his shield against Bull’s, barely setting the qunari back at all.

One part stamina of the body.

“Say, Krem, you’re looking a little outclassied.”

And one part mental fortitude.

Bull shoved back. Krem stumbled for a moment, back boot skidding in the dirt, and then found his footing. He got his shield back up just in time to guard Bull’s follow through, even though the hit knocked him back again. Void, the big arse really wasn’t going easy on him, was he?

“C’mon Krem! It’s a shield, not a damn dinner platter! Put some spine into it!”

Krem flashed a tight smile at his captain, stepped forward, lowering as if to ram into Bull, then swung his back leg around, hooking his foot around the qunari’s ankle and-

Bull’s free hand shoved Krem in the shoulder with an audible smack, and Krem fell flat on his backside. It wasn’t much consolation that Bull staggered and came close to tripping when Krem was the one in the mud.

“I dunno Krem, with a showing like this… if you were a wine it’d be a pretty bad Vintage.”

Krem groaned, pulling himself up onto one knee. He didn’t bother to look at Bull’s face this time. He already knew what kind of shit-eating grin would be on it.

“So are you a fighter, chief, or do you try and talk your enemy’s ear off until they fall asleep?”

The qunari chuckled. “Gotta keep myself entertained somehow, Krem. Your fighting skills ain’t cutting it.”

Krem narrowed his eyes, regaining his feet. He swiped an arm across his forehead, clearing the sweat from his eyes. Bull was sweating too, but he’d of course claim to be fresh as a daisy.

“My money’s on the chief, folks,” called a voice from the edge of the staked-out training area. Krem shot a venomous glare in the direction of the speaker. Of course Rocky would be watching him get the tar kicked out of him.

“A sovereign says the lieutenant,” the Orlesian-accented voice of Skinner preceded the woman herself, who appeared behind Rocky to lean on the fencing.

Krem looked back to Bull. Naturally, he was still grinning.

“Drinks are on whoever thinks Krempuff here can beat me!” he called out.

Krem sighed and grimaced. Figures he’d get an audience when sparring with a shield instead of his hammer. He missed his hammer.

“I’ll take that bet. You’ve got this captain!”

“Stitches, next time you want someone to go fetch thread for you, I’m gonna make _you_ fill out the bloody requisition form!” Krem shouted over his shoulder.

“Heads up, lieutenant!”

Krem turned back just in time to catch Bull’s ramming charge square in the chest.

“Hjuk!” he commented eloquently, flying to the floor.

Bull whooped and struck a pose. “Looks like I just made Krem cheese of you, kid!”

Krem gave a moan. He wasn’t sure if it was the hit or the pun that hurt worse.

“Come on Krem! Up you get!” Dalish, now. Apparently a good chunk of the Chargers had shown up. “Grim’s on your side, too!”

There was a non-committal grunt.

“Like sod he is!” Rocky barked. “He’s backing the chief!”

A glint was in Bull’s eye as Krem rose back to his feet.

“Ready to pay for my drinks tonight, Krem?”

Krem raised an eyebrow. “I don’t remember betting on myself.”

“Oh? So even you don’t believe you can beat me?”

He couldn’t help but laugh. “Chief, you are an arse.”

“And you’re about to get… Kremed.”

Krem made a noise of pure disgust. Bull advanced again, breaking into a run, dropping his shoulder, aiming to mow Krem down.

Well, screw that. Krem had had enough of trying to fight Bull head-on.

As Bull closed in, Krem tossed his shield down, straight at the qunari’s feet. Bull tried to hurdle it, but the awkward height caused it to clatter against his shins. He stumbled, faltering in his stride for just an instant.

And that was the opportunity Krem was looking for.

Darting to the side, Krem spun around and _behind_ Bull, wrapping both arms around his waist in a death grip and then _heaving_.

Bull’s feet parted company with the ground, and Krem bridged his back to fling Bull up and over his own head. An almighty _thump_ resounded through the area as both men went crashing to the ground, Bull with a muffled curse.

The Chargers exploded in whooping glee.

Krem, dazed, took a moment to roll over. He was immediately struck by the sight of an entirely upside-down Bull.

His horns were jammed into the ground. His legs kicked wildly outward as his fists scrabbled for purchase in the dirt. He was, however, thoroughly stuck.

“Krem what the-“ Bull spluttered, amidst the cheering and hollering. “What the heck?” he seemed torn between laughter and sheer outrage.

Krem let out a long breath, dusted himself off, and leaned down close to the qunari’s face.

“I dunno chief. Guess I was just tired…” he grinned. “Of all your Bullshit.”


End file.
